Just call me Ebert
A couple of days ago I watched Van Helsing. I wasnt expecting much, and I definately got what I expected. A big heap of CG-ridden, sensory-pounding nothingness. Thank god I didnt waste $14 to see it in theaters. It wasnt like it was a horrible horrible movie, it was just so...pointless. So here are a few thoughts on Van Helsing.
First and foremost, Kate Beckinsale should never be allowed to attempt a Romanian/transylvanian accent again. Ever. Seriously. Kate, you are not good at the accent. Granted its a difficult dialect to master, but please, just dont try again. Ever.
Secondly, for the love of all that is good in this world, hire a writer who actually knows how to write. Nothing gets under my skin more than a movie that has potential to be entertaining but falls horribly and unbelievably short due to a completely crappy script. This reminds me all to painfully of a little movie called The Day After Tomorrow. That movie made my heart cry even more than this one, because the graphics were much much better, but the script was equally appalling. That was one movie that had the potential to be good. I mean, you got Jake Gyllenhall, you got some crazy effects, and although they killed off Canada, you still got a somewhat interesting premise. But what a complete and utter let down. The script was not only predictable, but it was boring and so excrutiatingly base. I mean, I could write a better script. And that really doesnt say much for the film at all. But back to Van Helsing, yes. Horrible dialogue.
Thats about all I can think of right now. I watched the movie a few days ago and now I dont really remember all the thoughts I had on it. I think my brain is employing a defense mechanism against Van Helsing so I dont have to many thoughts about it that will cause me pain.
First and foremost, Kate Beckinsale should never be allowed to attempt a Romanian/transylvanian accent again. Ever. Seriously. Kate, you are not good at the accent. Granted its a difficult dialect to master, but please, just dont try again. Ever.
Secondly, for the love of all that is good in this world, hire a writer who actually knows how to write. Nothing gets under my skin more than a movie that has potential to be entertaining but falls horribly and unbelievably short due to a completely crappy script. This reminds me all to painfully of a little movie called The Day After Tomorrow. That movie made my heart cry even more than this one, because the graphics were much much better, but the script was equally appalling. That was one movie that had the potential to be good. I mean, you got Jake Gyllenhall, you got some crazy effects, and although they killed off Canada, you still got a somewhat interesting premise. But what a complete and utter let down. The script was not only predictable, but it was boring and so excrutiatingly base. I mean, I could write a better script. And that really doesnt say much for the film at all. But back to Van Helsing, yes. Horrible dialogue.
Thats about all I can think of right now. I watched the movie a few days ago and now I dont really remember all the thoughts I had on it. I think my brain is employing a defense mechanism against Van Helsing so I dont have to many thoughts about it that will cause me pain.
posted by Manik @ 6:28 PM
2 Comments:
At January 5, 2005 at 6:59 PM,
ames said…
I didn't see Van Helsing, but I felt the same way about "City of Angels." (You know...the one where the angel Nicholas Cage jumps off a building and becomes human so that he can get laid, but then his girlfriend gets run over by a fruit truck.)
Just call me Siskel. I definitely feel your rage on this one.
At January 5, 2005 at 11:10 PM,
Manik said…
Oh yes City of Angels. I made the horrible mistake of buying that movie before I watched it. Im thoroughly ashamed
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